Closure

Actress and author Mayim Bialik, writing about her divorce, recently wrote about the experience of the actual get process, the delivery of the bill of divorce (hat tip: EZP).

You can find the entire piece here, but one section of the article echoed something I have felt for a long time:

“… a get proceeding is one of psychological and emotional completion. A get is performed by a select group of rabbis who create a Beit Din, typically in a synagogue, and they complete the divorce in a historically and emotionally authentic environment. The term “closure” has never made more sense to me than in the get proceeding. It provides a tremendous sense of closure for both parties. Just as you are married according to the laws of Moses and Israel, so will you be divorced…

The get process, like much of Judaism, forces you to not run from grief. It’s the mourning process for your marriage, and just like the period of shiva which Jews observe for the seven days following a death of a spouse, child, parent, or sibling, the get allows you space to grieve, a place to put your grief, and a set of rituals designed to help you through it.”

I’m sure there are others out there who see the process through different eyes, but I think there is much to be said for a ceremony that makes it clear that what is going on is a real split between two individuals who built – or at least intended to build – a unit.

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