Get a Life

Some of the best advice one can give a friend (or a client) in divorce proceedings is – get a life.

There are those who get into divorce proceedings, and the ongoing fight has all kinds of collateral benefits for them, such as attention from people who otherwise ignore them, ongoing contact – albeit negative – from a person they still love, a sense of victimization that feeds some or other need. If there is not enough outside of that whirlpool to sustain them, or give them hope of building in the future, the divorce proceedings become prolonged and entangled far out of proportion to the actual issues at hand.

And at that point, the best advice is, get a life.

Of course, not everyone has lawyers who will tell them that, since lawyers can make a lot of money from prolonged and unnecessary proceedings, and to be a little more generous, there are lawyers who just aren’t in tune with their client’s long-term needs, so if the client wants to keep fighting over nothing, they don’t see a problem with that.

Worse though, is when family and friends fall into the trap, because then the person who is being sucked along has no one with whom to reality test, no one who will have them do the cost-benefit analysis of – is all this time and money you are spending on court really better than reaching an adequate agreement with the other side? Are you going to wake up in a year and ask, what on earth did I spend all that energy for?

Always remember, the time you have spent will never be returned to you, and there is no compensation for the anguish of unnecessary proceedings.

Here’s Dolly Parton for a somewhat saccharine view of getting a life.

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