I’ve dealt with many sad issues and families over the years; people in abusive relationships, parents alienated from their children, children being hurt by parents. How people manage to cope, rise above the pain and create lives for themselves is something that never fails to amaze me.
Somehow, the cases that arouse the greatest feeling of sadness in me are those late middle-aged people who come to me, either wanting a divorce or finding themselves in the midst of divorce proceedings against their will. Very rarely have I had a case like this where the person can’t go back decades – often to the first week of marriage – to locate their dissatisfaction.
This becomes even more painful when the person in question is a woman who has put all of her energies into her family, and finds herself middle-aged, and without a profession, or a way of supporting herself. So, I thought that the advice in this clip from a five-year old was pretty good (Hat-tip – CR):
I wouldn’t go so far as the young lady in question to say not to get married until you have a job, but I would say that if you get married without a job, make sure it’s clear to you and your spouse that you need to finish your education, get some kind of qualification so if you should ever need to (and most of us do whether we are married or single) you can go out and work.
One of my clients I admire a great deal is a woman who had a nice standard of living, and found herself divorced without a penny after over twenty years of marriage. Her husband had actually never allowed her to work, but she didn’t miss a beat. She very quickly developed a skill of hers which was marketable, worked hard to receive the necessary accreditation, and within a very short period of time has made a niche for herself in her new field.
Not everyone has the emotional wherewithal to make that speedy transition, and not everyone has a marketable skill.
So, while not advocating a particular position on the stay-at-home-moms/career-woman debate, I am advocating that we do what we can to prepare for any rainy days ahead in our lives.